It is not broken.
I am not broken.
I am purple, and green, and red.
I am black and blue.
I am still here,
in certain lights more present than others.
A walking bruise.
When you touch me,
I am warm.
My blood is flowing–
even though my center is off.
The hurt is there still;
only. if. you. press.
I can conceal it, this ache of mine
—my bruised being
Adorn it with ornaments and ointments.
Remembering that nothing is opaque
let me heal.
I believe that we are trapped in each day,
that a small fragment of our souls, relive it
like groundhog day, but not fully
only snippets will come to the foreground when we need them
like a foreshadowing of our own stories
our own ghosts of yesteryear peak from behind the curtain of the past
to remind us we learned this lesson once
we are transported backwards because we have already been there
because the past continues to play out to some degree
in some cycle, somewhere
and if so, then we all live with ghosts of our stories
The gray color outside of my window,
accompanied by the quiet spatters of raindrops,
lets the day stretch into quiet nourishment of ideas.
A pile of blankets spread out as a cat purrs,
with soft piano notes twinkling the air in the background,
as the ground and clouds meet outside.
Water washes away…
to help pave way to make
constantly encouraging rebirth…
Rainy days are my own personal excuse
to stay inside & contemplate,
transform water & grounds to a cup of coffee,
warming my ideas,
coloring my world with thoughts, words & fluidity.
potential, growth & contemplation
to help carve a way to action, love & betterment,
continually encouraging a wave of creation.
A storm happens every so often, outside my window
letting my thoughts match the weather
I have learned that a storm within myself is a sign
of the changes I wish to make.
In order to let my thoughts become my actions,
I must water them with splatters of acknowledgment–
letting them take root, in my new life.
I’ve always been surprised at how fun it is to meet at a local coffee house & sit & chat. This past afternoon, I was able to meet with a friend of mine who also loves coffee, and we were able to chat for over an hour. Something about sitting around others sipping coffee that begs you to reflect on your past doings & current goals.
We sipped & gossiped, enjoyed each other’s growth and offered advice when warranted. I was so intrigued to hear she was hoping to travel across the country soon, to do some exploring–and while on this trip, she really hopes to find some answers about herself. I was moved by this sentiment of hers, and could not help but to try to see where it applies in my own life. I found myself in agreement–something about putting yourself around “newness” through travel, pushes your growth.
However, with all this hope & talk of growth—I am not an easy traveler. Car rides & airplanes make me nauseous. I get worried that I forgot something crucial somewhere. What if something you can’t plan for like say the cats learning how to turn on the oven? What if my GPS accidentally sent me to the wrong state?? I have been getting some more practice managing these anxious travel-induced thoughts this summer via exposing myself, but it still has not been easy.
Tomorrow, Ryan & I are off to Long Island for a wedding. I am beyond excited to go, and be a part of this wedding & to see everything about it, but I’m still so grateful I don’t have to drive myself. For now, my growth is acknowledging that I need some help getting through my travel-induced anxiety, and Ryan’s patience in the matter makes for the circumstances to not feel as daunting. I want travel to become something that doesn’t feel like a another thing to get done and I want to learn about enjoying the journey as well as the destination—after all, it is one of the best known metaphor for some reason!
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We had had one of those humid days where we were reminded that it was summer still. Temps soared past the 80s, and the breeze barely moved the flag as the day elapsed before us. Being an EXTREMELY pale human being, it was a good thing that I was wearing a longer-sleeved dress, because otherwise my arms would have been very sunburnt.
I am wearing an animal-print dress from TopShop & DolceVita mules.
We had some of Ryan’s friends from the area stop by, along with Ryan’s family that lived in Vermont. It was a low pressure type of celebration & party, with a lot of overwhelming positivity. Ryan’s friends brought a selection of Vermont beers for us to add to our cooler.
We really did not want this to be about gifts or presents, but about time spent with loved ones. But naturally with all of that being said, we were showered with kindness & items to start a new chapter in our lives still. Pictured below was a present that summed up that sentiment very nicely, without me feeling like I was posting about who got me what.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter about our ceremony or reception or what we had for a wedding dinner…it matters how much I love Ryan & how excited I am to see how we grow together. We’re a team in life—and that was the true takeaway of this weekend.
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