It is not broken.
I am not broken.
I am purple, and green, and red.
I am black and blue.
I am still here,
in certain lights more present than others.
A walking bruise.
When you touch me,
I am warm.
My blood is flowing–
even though my center is off.
The hurt is there still;
only. if. you. press.
I can conceal it, this ache of mine
—my bruised being
Adorn it with ornaments and ointments.
Remembering that nothing is opaque
let me heal.
I’ve always been surprised at how fun it is to meet at a local coffee house & sit & chat. This past afternoon, I was able to meet with a friend of mine who also loves coffee, and we were able to chat for over an hour. Something about sitting around others sipping coffee that begs you to reflect on your past doings & current goals.
We sipped & gossiped, enjoyed each other’s growth and offered advice when warranted. I was so intrigued to hear she was hoping to travel across the country soon, to do some exploring–and while on this trip, she really hopes to find some answers about herself. I was moved by this sentiment of hers, and could not help but to try to see where it applies in my own life. I found myself in agreement–something about putting yourself around “newness” through travel, pushes your growth.
However, with all this hope & talk of growth—I am not an easy traveler. Car rides & airplanes make me nauseous. I get worried that I forgot something crucial somewhere. What if something you can’t plan for like say the cats learning how to turn on the oven? What if my GPS accidentally sent me to the wrong state?? I have been getting some more practice managing these anxious travel-induced thoughts this summer via exposing myself, but it still has not been easy.
Tomorrow, Ryan & I are off to Long Island for a wedding. I am beyond excited to go, and be a part of this wedding & to see everything about it, but I’m still so grateful I don’t have to drive myself. For now, my growth is acknowledging that I need some help getting through my travel-induced anxiety, and Ryan’s patience in the matter makes for the circumstances to not feel as daunting. I want travel to become something that doesn’t feel like a another thing to get done and I want to learn about enjoying the journey as well as the destination—after all, it is one of the best known metaphor for some reason!
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We had had one of those humid days where we were reminded that it was summer still. Temps soared past the 80s, and the breeze barely moved the flag as the day elapsed before us. Being an EXTREMELY pale human being, it was a good thing that I was wearing a longer-sleeved dress, because otherwise my arms would have been very sunburnt.
I am wearing an animal-print dress from TopShop & DolceVita mules.
We had some of Ryan’s friends from the area stop by, along with Ryan’s family that lived in Vermont. It was a low pressure type of celebration & party, with a lot of overwhelming positivity. Ryan’s friends brought a selection of Vermont beers for us to add to our cooler.
We really did not want this to be about gifts or presents, but about time spent with loved ones. But naturally with all of that being said, we were showered with kindness & items to start a new chapter in our lives still. Pictured below was a present that summed up that sentiment very nicely, without me feeling like I was posting about who got me what.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter about our ceremony or reception or what we had for a wedding dinner…it matters how much I love Ryan & how excited I am to see how we grow together. We’re a team in life—and that was the true takeaway of this weekend.
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Written on 9/18, after a road-trip from St Albans, Vermont back to the Capitol Region of New York.
Musings in the Maples
by mk hubbard
I love that the whole state seems to bleed syrup
instead of blood
— roots dive deep into the Earth, & maples are very strong.
The people there view the golden liquid as the nectar of life,
replacing other golds, like honey & precious metal.
The trees are lined with taps, connecting forests together,
a web of dependence on the sugary substance that oozes from their cores.
The farmlands are large, and double yellow lined roads with their higher speed limits, still wind & curve forcing you to slow down,
to make you look around.
Like the maple liquid itself, the drips of sweetness come at their own time, as you travel further & further North…
The mountain top with its trees changing in drips to fall foliage as the sun sets over them, reminds you of the snow to come–
And the ghost of chairlifts swing in the summer heat, waiting to be filled with people, excited for another sugary substance, although this time a powder.
As the Moon rises over the trees, it illuminates the change in a sadder way than the sun does– reminding you that seasons changing have nothing to do with the whims of what we as humans want, but what the Earth demands.
Ryan & I are off to Vermont this weekend! When we chose to elope back in July, we had assured his parents that we would be excited for a small family party with Ryan’s family & friends, and his parents are up there already. I am excited to see everyone, and I feel really fortunate that his parents & family would take the time to plan something for us, since we’ve been pretty swamped.
I get anxious during long car rides because I tend to get carsick (hello back roads), but I don’t really mind the drive through Vermont, especially this time of year. We plan on taking as many pictures as our memory card lets us, of both the drive & the reception. Knowing Ryan’s family, we’ll probably be doing something outdoorsy on one of the days, and there’s always good food & beer involved throughout the visits.
Here are the following CDs I have in my car to listen to:
1) Ariana Grande- Sweetner
2) Adele- 25
3) The Story So Far (self-titled)
4) Kacey Musgraves- Golden Hour
5) Brand New- Deja Entendu
We might have to update my cd collection soon…
Stay tuned for pictures to come of our journey!
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